I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
i need some magic done to my vagina
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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