i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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