So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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