Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We're using joints as your birthday candles
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
