I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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