You just made me feel so damn special
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
