Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
