i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
