Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
