Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
