you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
