I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
