Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
