Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.