Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?