you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.