Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy