This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Are my feet made of real feet?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra