Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.