is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
