Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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