somebody snuck up and got me drunk
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
