honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
