i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
