Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
