so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
