he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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