She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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