she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
