I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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