Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
