I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
