There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
