I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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