u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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