I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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