it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
