When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Text me some of your sweat
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