You're a womanizer and a bitch.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
