so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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