Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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