just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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