Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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