I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sober January is a disaster.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize