Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Randomize
