she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
