sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It was confusing and full of hummus
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
