Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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