Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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