they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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