wakey wakey hands off snakey
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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