i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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