getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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