I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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