Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm passing your future prison.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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