Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
