this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Randomize
