i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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