So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
