Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
