You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
