maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
