Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
