she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
