i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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