New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
