I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
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Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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