I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
