the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
