guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
