So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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