How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You ruined the universe
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
