i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
