I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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