apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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