Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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