he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
