I think my vagina is haunted
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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