I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
