I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
