i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
