Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
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I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
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I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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