Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
