I bet he comes in French.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
