how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
