I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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