Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
